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Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark. .
Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
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Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy and go potty - hurry up now -- come
on, lets go."
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Cover all of your best suits with dog hair. Dark sutis must have white hair and light suits must have dark. In addition,
some hair must be in your first cup of morning coffee.
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Play catch with a wet tennis ball.
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Run out in the snow in you bare feet to close the gate.
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Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor. Taking care to shred at least one of each pair
of socks.
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When the doorbell rings drop your dirty underwear on the living room floor, because that is where the pup will drag it
anyway, after all, company is coming.
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Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV show and run to the door shouting, "No, No! Do that
outside!" Miss the end of the program.
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Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver.
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Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and do not try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.
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TAKE A WARM, CUDDLY BLANKET OUT OF THE DRYER AND IMMEDIATELY WRAP IT AROUND YOURSELF!! THIS IS THE FEELING YOU GET WHEN
YOUR PUPPY FALLS ASLEEP ON YOUR LAP!!!
DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR NEW PUPPY! ! ! !
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush burnt toast crumbs from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Call spouse to clean up mess.
18. Grab some water and take some Tylenol.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy and resolve to teach puppy "sit/stand" and "stay".
20. Consider buying "older, trained" dog.
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